Stonefree
by lazydaisy
Summary: These are my thoughts of what if's between Mikan and Natsume. Well, now they're juniors and they have drifted apart. Why? I don't even know. Are they just so unlikely to be together or is it because fate is just twisted?
1. Author's notes

Okay. Wait. Before I begin my story, I'd like to give you an overview because you might lose track of what is actually happening while flashbacks are going on. So Natsume and Mikan are now juniors—third years in highschool. They have drifted apart. And I'm about to tell you why. On the way, Natsume turns back into his usual dejected and miserable self and has even been worse than usual. Really, really worse. And all because he had lost Mikan.

In this story, I didn't include the past or the cause of their unintended separation. But you can read that in another fanfic I've titled All The Reasons Why. If youcan't find it, then that only means I haven't posted it yet. I'll probably post it after I finish this story which will still be a very long time.

NOTE: An overview of **All The Reasons Why**

I'll start on how they started to drift apart and on the probable reasons why.

By Mikan's next year in Alice Academy, she was in the middle of giving up with Natsume. He just hurts her too much and she's very much confused with her feelings. And truth be told, she doesn't know why she's hurting so much. Natsume's not as dense, though. He knows some things. He is after all said to be a genius. But he wouldn't be the first one to admit anything. You can't make him admit a thing no matter what. But hey, that's what we love about him, right? So, anyway… here we go.

P.S.

Okay. I know this is already too much clip notes but I named this Stonefree just because of the band who sang the first and second song. And I'm also planning to use another song they did, Scars. Oh yeah, the poems here are not poems. They are lyrics to songs. I'm just using them for some inspiration. Take that down. It's a good trick for starting a story. Use a song that is pretty much relating the whole story. well anyway, here goes nothing.


	2. Wishing upon a STAR

_It's been a while since we drifted apart_

_You're the best I ever had by far_

_Never was I good at telling lies_

_I have never gotten this far_

_I'm wishing upon a star_

_**Cause now I don't know who you are**_

_So I'm wishing_

_That someday you'll be_

_Knocking at my door_

_And everything will be the same as before_

_They say that time will heal this scar_

_But I still long to be back in your arms_

_**Never could I read between the lines**_

_I have never gotten this far_

_**I don't know where you are**_

_I have never gotten this far_

_I don't know who you are_

_So I'm wishing upon a star…_

_And we'll belong together_

_Again…_

_

* * *

_

Mikan Sakura stuffed her head inside her locker and shouted as loud as she can. People passing by were all startled but then shook their heads when they realized it was only Mikan.

Here was Mikan, a qualified junior in Alice Academy but still unable to cope up with the things going on around her. Her best friend, Hotaru Imai, kindly termed it as STUPIDITY. Many others agreed. But Mikan tried her best to prove them wrong. She was still here and she wanted to show them why. But how could she when every teacher seemed to be getting more and more like Jin-Jin, a nickname she called her stern teacher back in 4th grade.

And a while ago in her art class, she even gets blamed for something she didn't even do!

Sumire Shouda, a girl Mikan had known since she came here in Alice Academy, loved still to play tricks on her. With the help of her remote-control-Alice friend, she threw a paint balloon (which they were using to do their artwork) at her. Mikan was bulls-eyed straight to her face. Furious, Mikan picked up a paint balloon and was about to throw it at Sumire. But suddenly, her teacher, Ms. Fujiwara, picked her up by the hand. When Mikan looked at her, she was surprised to see her all covered in orange paint. What Mikan didn't know was that the remote control kid, suddenly outbalanced (they were sitting in stools), mistakenly threw a balloon at their teacher. When Ms. Fujiwara looked up, she saw Mikan coincidently holding a paint balloon in her hand. Naturally, she blamed Mikan for the mishap. Teachers in any high school aren't necessarily known for their fair and just treatment.

Mikan gave out a long sigh. She squatted down on the floor and buried her face in her hands. She felt like crying. How come awful things always happen to her? "Life is so unfair." Mikan muttered to herself.

Suddenly, the downpour of rain on Mikan's day just seemed to have gotten heavier.

"So, Sakura, what did the teacher make you do now?" Sumire appeared with her seemingly identical best friend as if they were dim-witted clones.

"You are pure evil, Sumire!" Mikan immediately got up to her feet. "Because of you, I have to clean the **ART ROOM** _ALL ON MY OWN_! Do you know how dirty the art room gets at the end of the day? Do you, huh? DO YOU!" Mikan waved her fist in the air and looked like she had grown fangs and was on fire. But Sumire just laughed.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to tell me then."

Mikan wanted to strangle her there and then.

But suddenly, a commotion was heard from the people around Mikan. Everyone started whispering in a very hushed tone. And some even dared to speak out some rumors, but inaudible at Mikan's hearing distance.

Mikan wondered what all the hush-hush was about.

Suddenly, she saw what the ruckus was all about and immediately regretted even looking.

It was Natsume Hyuuga coming their way. With Ruka Nogi. Only Ruka. No one else. There was no more posse where there used to be. No more love-stricken girls trailing behind. And no more nothing where people used to be so in love with this pair.

Natsume had come a long way since Mikan first met him. And since she last seen him…up close, that is. He'd had a drastic change.

He had gone from bad…to worse.

Natsume was no longer the bad boy every girl still dreamt of. He was a young man now anyone feared. Even Sumire, who was once the president of their fan club, was trembling beside Mikan.

Natsume looked worse than ever. His eyes had dark circles around them and had bags underneath. His gaze was menacing although he often seemed to look in a far-off stare. His lips were tightly shut in a fine line. And his body was much thinner although much taller.

Even Ruka never smiled again. But his eyes…his eyes were sad. And Ruka never talked to anyone else again except Natsume. And his animals, of course. But one time, when Hotaru caught Ruka once again in the barn with the animals, he wasn't anymore the cheesy adoring animal-lover. He just sat there patting the animals and smoothing their fur.

The two had really managed to detach themselves totally from the world.

"**_You don't know anything... You don't know a thing of what you're saying!"_**

Mikan's mind shouted the words Natsume had said to him a few years before…back when Mikan knew who he was…back when Mikan stood always beside him. _Those words… Those hateful words…_

"**_I hate you. You make me so miserable…so leave. Just leave me alone!"_**

Natsume passed right in front of Mikan now. But it was as if he didn't see anything. He didn't even took notice of the people moving away to let him pass. It was as if he was just a ghost. _A ghost I cared about._

Something inside Mikan was hurting. As Natsume passed by there and acted as if he didn't even see her, that hurting feeling just seemed to grow and grow. It became much harder to deal with as time went by. They said that time would heal everything. But it didn't. It just made it worse. Sometimes at night, Mikan would even fall asleep crying. Crying about something she doesn't even understand. Crying about a feeling she doesn't even know what. And she would have endless and repeating dreams of Natsume and how she used to try to be with him always, never leaving his side.

Oh, how she loved to tag along Natsume and Ruka everywhere they went. She would just sit there talking about everything! Anything under the sun! And then Natsume would stop reading his manga. Mikan thought he'd start listening to her but then he'd suddenly tell her to get lost. To go away. But Mikan never did. Until one day, she listened. She got lost. She went away. She went out of his life forever.

Mikan had forever regretted that.

But was she to do? Stick by him even though he clearly wanted her gone? He was so desperate for her to leave him alone, he almost cried! He obviously disliked her so much…

Mikan felt tears swelling up her eyes again. And her heart started thumping so hard in her chest.

"Natsume…" Mikan couldn't help whispering under her breath.

Suddenly, Mikan saw Ruka look at her from the corner of his eye! HE did! They were way past Mikan now and Mikan could only watch their retreating backs. But she was sure she saw Ruka look at her! She was sure of it! Ruka used to be a very good friend of hers and she always wanted Ruka to smile. That's why it broke her heart when she realized that Ruka never smiled again since the day she left…

_Stop thinking about it!_ Mikan ordered herself.

But anyhow, she was still sure she saw Ruka look her way.

Oh, how she misses them so much…

Mikan sighed once more.

But right now, she can't be thinking of such things. Because right now, she has a whole room of junk to clean. So she better get going before she also misses her dinner.


	3. Eager Angels

_**I see you walking in**_

_**Hurting from what have been**_

_As your face draws back_

_And opens up a sigh_

_I hate to break it in you_

_**It's the hardest thing she had to do**_

_But her words meant, baby,_

_Everything is through_

_I watched upon the heavens_

_Wait till you believe_

_Our moment is true_

_Like eager angels falling from heaven_

_**I'd give it all up to share the pain with you**_

_Like eager angels falling from heaven_

_Undaunted cause your love will see me through_

_How can I make you feel_

_How I want to hold you near_

_I ache to feel your hand caress my soul_

_I'm standing next to you_

_My days no longer blue_

_I'd shed my wings to offer what is true_

_I still can taste_

_The scent of your voice on my lips_

_Every moment I close my eyes_

_And breath you_

_It was a moment_

_That would linger on in my stubborn disbelief_

_In the magic that was woven…_

_Stole_

_

* * *

_

Mikan hung her head in defeat. She would never finish cleaning the art room in time for dinner. From what she knew, no one really did clean the art room. Or at least she doesn't think so.

Yuu Tobita, a good friend of hers, offered to help her clean the room. But she must decline. If any teacher saw them clean the art room together, Yuu just might get in trouble for helping her. And she couldn't do that to an honor student. Yuu didn't deserve it. He worked too hard and too long just so that Mikan can destroy it for him. No. Mikan wouldn't have that done to her friends. But it would have been comforting if her honor student of a best friend would have at least offered to help, too. But _**NO**_! Hotaru didn't even pass by just to even look at her. She's probably off to her laboratory by now. Even Mikan wonders sometime why she puts up with such torture. But she knows it's all because she really does love Hotaru wholeheartedly. And she's also sure Hotaru loves her just as well. She just has a sort of different way of showing it.

Mikan continued on fixing the tables and chairs and pushing them to the side so she can sweep the floor properly. When she was done, she then went on to fixing the paintbrushes, the paint, the canvases and the coupon bonds tucked inside the huge cabinets. She was still half done. She got her gloves and apron and started mopping and scrubbing the floor until the dried blots of paint were gone. She then got a wet towel and started wiping the blackboard and the chalk ledge. She rinsed the towel and then started wiping the windows. After all of the wiping, fixing and scrubbing, Mikan then returned all the tables and chairs to their proper order. She was now done and the room sparkled clean.

"Hmph! Wait till they see this in the morning!" Mikan placed her hands to her hips and looked proudly at what she had accomplished. They are in for a surprise. "They thought they can break down Mikan Sakura!" Mikan raised up her fist in victory. But then her stomach suddenly growled at her.

"Ohh…" Mikan hugged her tummy. "I'm so hungry. I better get some dinner now." She checked her clock. It was already 5:30 p.m. Wow. It took her just an hour and a half to do all this. But she's going to be late for dinner if she doesn't go quickly. Their dinner is usually served at 6:00 so if she runs now, she'll surely just be in time for it.

The high school building was farther to the boarding house than the elementary building. But since Mikan used to get lost a lot around there, she knew all kinds of shortcuts so that she'll reach the boarding house a lot quicker. She was also really exhausted from the cleaning so the faster she gets to bed, the better.

But as she ran through a sort of alley between the school buildings, she saw a young man straight ahead. He was walking slowly and seemed to be distracted. But Mikan was running so fast, it was difficult for her to stop when she was almost going to topple the man over. Thankfully, the man caught her… with amazing reflexes, too.

"I'm so sorry!" Mikan quickly jumped to her feet. "I couldn't…I...I couldn't…I…" Mikan was so surprised to see that the man who caught her was none other than Ruka Nogi, the beautiful blond who always tagged along Natsume. "Ru…ka…" Mikan could barely get the words out of her mouth.

But Ruka simply looked at her. He stared at her for a while and seemed to be in deep thought. Then, he suddenly tore his gaze off Mikan and walked away.

Mikan was still in quite a shock, she had only watched Ruka walk away. She had so many things to say in her mind like, What? Who? What're you doing here? What? What?**_ What_**! Okay. So maybe it wasn't a lot to say. But who would know what to say when they suddenly bump into an old friend whom they've parted with such awkward circumstances and with no closure at all.

What is going on here? Is the past trying to catch up with her after 5 years? That was weird. She, Ruka and Natsume go to the exact same school and are at the same year level. But at the rate of how often they meet, no one would even think that they're even in the same city together. There are weeks when she wouldn't even see them. That had started only about two years ago when they really had gone from each other's faces. But the gap between them had started long before.

Grumble…grumble… Mikan's stomach started churning again and she was suddenly brought back to the present, She started running again.

Running as fast as she can…

As if so the past cannot catch up with her anymore…

* * *

"Natsume… you know, she got lighter."

"Hm."


	4. Miles Away

_**I lost my ways through these days**_

_Looking that same old way_

_I'll break the silence of your face_

_**To get closer everyday**_

_Now I turn around again_

_Looking for a friend_

_**I see your face again…**_

_**And again…**_

_Feel me today_

_**Cause you're a million miles away**_

_And I know that you know_

_**Hear me today**_

_Cause you're a million miles away_

_And I know that you know…_

_**I've been calling out your name**_

_Every minute it's just the same_

_Cold and hungry shout to me_

_**From this battle that I can't see**_

_**

* * *

**_

Mikan finished her dinner quickly. When she got to the dining room, it seemed like she suddenly lost her appetite.

She went up early. But because she couldn't get to sleep, she went out for a quick walk outside after she had showered and done her homework. She was obviously bothered by something.

She was still thinking about her bumping into Ruka awhile ago.

_How long has it been since I've seen him up close like that? Or Natsume for that matter? Much too long._

Mikan sighed.

She wouldn't say that she'd been thinking about them every single moment since they left. But no day had gone by without them even slightly crossing her mind. Everyday, even if she didn't see them, she'll find herself sometimes looking for them or just suddenly realize she was reminiscing once more their distant past.

It was difficult for her to even just see them and not feel a ton of emotion rush through her. But obviously, they don't feel the same. Especially Natsume. There was one time when Mikan attempted to fix things with them. Gathering all her courage, she walked up to Natsume just before high school started and asked him if they could ever be friends again. But Natsume simply looked at her and said, "What are you talking about? Get out of my face." And then he walked away. Ruka gave him one last apathetic look and that was the last time he had ever glanced her way.

Until today.

She was sure Ruka did look at her! Positive! There was no way she could be imagining it. It was as real as she was hungry.

Grumble… grumble. Mikan didn't eat well awhile ago. She just can't. And now, she was hungry again. But it was impossible to get any decent food at this time of the night. All the supplies had been already safely stored. Well, she'll just have to settle for some hot chocolate probably.

Mikan staggered to the kitchen. _Let there be some sugar left… please!_ Mikan opened the cabinet and just as she thought, there was no more sugar. At night, they usually run out of sugar or even low-fat sweetening because almost everyone want some hot chocolate, milk, or some coffee. There's never enough. And they can only supply it in the morning. Otherwise, the people supplying or producing it (since it is after all an Alice school) would be sleeping already.

Mikan hung her head in hopelessness. This was really not her day. "AAAHH!" Mikan vented her anger on her hair as if she was going crazy.

"Hey, don't take it out on the hair if you're having a bad day." A voice suddenly spoke behind her. It was Kokoroyomi. Kokoroyomi looked a lot like he used to but was much taller and of course, more mature. In fact, his mischievous look now seems more like a charm rather than anything else.

"Oh hey there, mind reader. What're you doing here?" Mikan faced her old friend. "I haven't seen you for a long time."

"I guess that's what happens when you aren't classmates anymore." Kokoroyomi moved towards the cabinets and pulled out a can of soup. "Are you hungry, Mikan?"

"Oh yes! Starving."

"Here. We could share." Kokoroyomi quickly opened the can and started heating the soup.

Kokoroyomi has always been sweet to Mikan. He'd laugh at her and call her stupid sometimes but Kokoroyomi had always been there for Mikan whenever she needed him. And right now, maybe he _is_ the only one who can help her…him being a mind reader and all.

"How have you been, Kokoroyomi? Do you have a girlfriend?" Mikan leaned at the working table towards Kokoroyomi.

"Actually, I do." Kokoroyomi's eyes seemed to sparkle with a different kind of glow at the mention of his girlfriend.

"Really!" Mikan never imagined Kokoroyomi having a girlfriend before. "Wow! Who is she? What's she like?" Mikan quickly got excited. "And how did you get her to be your girlfriend, huh?" Mikan suddenly had a suspicious look on her face. "You read her mind, didn't you? You read her mind and tried to see what she liked in a guy! You did, didn't you? Didn't you!" Mikan was all over Kokoroyomi's face, questioning him like a nagging wife.

"Woah. Not too many questions all at once, Mikan." Kokoroyomi smiled, a little scared for himself. But then he smiled ever so sweetly and with a dreamy look in his eyes. "Actually, you're right."

"I knew it!" Mikan quickly cut in.

"I did try to do exactly just that for the first few times I tried to make her like me." Kokoroyomi suddenly seemed so far away, as if he was seeing something that wasn't really there. "I repeatedly read her mind, thinking if she would like this or that. And I did everything. I just liked her so much ever since I first saw her. She was just so pretty! A curly blond girl with blue eyes, she was perfect!"

Kokoroyomi looked into Mikan's eyes and she saw how his eyes seemed to glisten in delight and contentment.

"But you know what, whatever I did, she didn't like. Well, actually, it was more like she never bothered to even notice. I read her mind like an eagle but she was never satisfied. It was so darn difficult!"

Kokoroyomi started to stir the soup once again.

"And as weeks passed and she still didn't like me, I felt so depressed. Really depressed. I felt rejected. And I've never coped with rejection well. For the first time in my life, I felt sincerely sad. Angry, even. Angry at myself…at her…at everyone. Why doesn't she like me? I've done everything I can to please her but she still doesn't want me.

"I cried a few times. Thank goodness none of my other friends were mind readers. It would have been really pathetic.

"Then one day, I was buying clothes at Central town and I saw her looking at a poster of a movie in a theater. I was still thinking twice about coming up to her, scared she might just ignore me again. But I really, really wanted to talk to her—and considering she was alone then! She was so pretty standing alone there and just staring at the poster with innocent doe eyes. I just couldn't help myself. So I gathered all my strength to come up to her and ask her what she was doing there. Thank goodness I did.

"You know what she said?" Kokoroyomi suddenly turned to face Mikan.

"What?" Mikan said silently.

"She said, 'I was waiting for you'." Kokoroyomi said with a little laugh. "Yes," He said without reading Mikan's mind. "It was really a surprise. Especially for me. It turns out she did like me after all those stunts I pulled. She just didn't want me acting as something I'm not. She knew I was using my Alice and was reading her mind. She was glad that I liked her that much but she didn't want me to think that I'd have to be someone other than me to be with her.

"And when she said all those things, I think it was the time I really fell in love with her." Kokoroyomi blushed but it wasn't because of embarrassment. He was simply so wound up about it. "She said she was supposed to ignore me until I start acting like me. But when I stopped talking to her altogether, she got worried I was really giving up on her.

"I told her, I almost was giving up on her. But when I saw her again there in front of the theater, I just can't help going up to her. Every time I see her, I just want to be near her. I guess that's how it feels to fall in love. It's not that you can't go on without them. It's just that life's much better with them in it."

Kokoroyomi's words hit close to home for Mikan. Natsume's face suddenly popped in her head. She didn't want to push it away, but she didn't want to be thinking about him either. Not with Kokoroyomi around. Besides, it's too painful whenever she remembers Natsume. She just can't help feeling so unwanted…

Mikan shook her head and tried to push away the thoughts that were clouding her mind. Sometimes, she just wants to forget. Forget everything…

_Kokoroyomi is really lucky that he had found someone for him. I wish I was just as fortunate._

"Wow, Kokoroyomi. You really have grown up. I never thought you could be a deep person. Well anyway, I'm glad for you. At least you've found someone." Mikan gave him a sweet smile.

"Thanks." Kokoroyomi returned the same sweet smile. "How about you, Mikan? I'm sure there'd been many guys lining up for you already."

"No. Actually, it's the total opposite. No decent guy has asked me out yet." Mikan rested her chin on her hands.

"Really!" Kokoroyomi looked really surprised. "I thought you'd be one of those girls with many suitors. You're very pretty, you know, Mikan."

Mikan's face reddened at the compliment. "Thanks but I'm not that pretty, really."

"No. You really are pretty. Everyone said so even when we were younger. They said you were kinda dumb but you were one of the prettiest girls in class."

Mikan didn't know if she should take that as a compliment or an insult. "Thanks." Mikan forced a smile. _Why does everyone think I'm dumb!_

"But I'm really glad for you, Kokoroyomi. Really. I wish I had your alice ability. If I did, I probably wouldn't be as confused as I am now." Mikan blew on the strands of hair on her face.

"Why? What is it, Mikan? Maybe I can help. And don't worry. I wouldn't try to find out who that is. Nanako had already scolded me about using my alice too much to invade other people's privacy. I don't do that anymore. So just go on tell me and you wouldn't need to feel scared about me finding out who it is all about."

"Thanks, Kokoroyomi. But I don't think I should tell you. I don't even understand my own problems."

"Oh come on, Mikan. I told you my story! Tell me yours. Or maybe I'll just have to force it out of you." Kokoroyomi threateningly hissed at Mikan.

"Alright, alright. I'll tell you. Cheater!" Mikan let out her tongue at Kokoroyomi. "I don't know if you'll understand but this is basically what's going on.

"Something bad happened to me in the past. And now, I just want to forget it. But I can't get myself to even if I try. No matter how much I try to forget, I just can't. And it's getting more and more difficult for me because every time I think of him, it just hurts so much." Mikan's voice cracked and she felt hot tears welling up in her eyes. But she held it in.

"Hmm… so it's a 'he'. He's a guy." Kokoroyomi touched his chin as if in deep thought. "Well, why would you want to forget something as important as that?"

Mikan was surprised by the question. "What? Well, because it is very painful to think about it."

"So? If you didn't have that memory, then you wouldn't be the Mikan you are now. I see that you, Mikan, have grown up a lot. And maybe it's all because of what happened. Do you think that if that never happened, you would be who you are now? Besides," Kokoroyomi crossed his arms as if it would help him make his point. "How would you feel if you lost that memory? I mean, just imagine it. If you forgot him, how would you feel…?"

Mikan had never thought of that. She was just in so much pain; she wanted to forget it all. But she couldn't imagine forgetting Natsume. _NO!_ Her mind shouted. She might not have Natsume in her life but it's better to have him in her memories even if those memories hurt her than to not have any part of Natsume at all.

Somehow, it felt so hollow if Natsume would be forever lost even in her memories…

_That is so weird. I used to function just right without him. And now, I can't seem to be able to live without even just the memory of him… WOAH. My heart just skipped a beat. I am so confused!_

"So, did I help?" The soup was done just in time and Kokoroyomi started to pour it into two bowls.

"Yeah you did. I guess I just needed a third person's opinion on it. I'll sleep better now!"

"Great. But before you do, here." Kokoroyomi handed to Mikan an enticing hot bowl of soup. "Here's your share of the soup."

"Thanks! I'm real glad I met you here tonight, Kokoroyomi."

"I guess that's what love does to you!" Kokoroyomi said sarcastically, batting his eyelashes.

Mikan first thought he was serious. Then, they both laughed at the _cheesy_-ness of it all.

* * *

Mikan waved goodnight at Kokoroyomi. 

"Are you sure you'll handle the dishes?" Mikan said before disappearing out the door.

"For the last time, yes! I'll clean it up. Now, go. Get some rest." Kokoroyomi pushed her out.

"Alright. If you say so. Goodnight!" Mikan finally disappeared through the dark hallway.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Mikan Hyuuga." Kokoroyomi beamed a smile when Mikan was gone, a smile he was suppressing since Mikan had told him her problem. It doesn't take a mind reader to know it's Natsume—and Natsume alone—Mikan would ever be thinking of.


	5. My Immortal Natsume

I'm so tired of being here

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
_And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone  
_  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
_This pain is just too real  
_**_There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_**  
_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
__**And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me  
**_  
_**You used**__** to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
**__**Now I'm**__** bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me**_

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
_**There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
__But though you're still with me__**  
I've been alone all along…**_

* * *

Mikan walked happily through the grounds of Alice Academy with a placid grin on her face. Her talk last night with Kokoroyomi helped a lot to clear her thoughts. True, she wouldn't know what to do if she has ever forgotten all the memories she had with Natsume. What would she do then? Her life here in Alice Academy would have been empty without Natsume Hyuuga in the everyday she wakes up.

Mikan felt sweat trickling down her back due to the heat of the sun that morning. But like her troubles, even though the sun blazed with scorching hot rays, the breeze was still cool and smelled sweetly to her senses. For once in a very long time, she at last _really heard_ the birds singing. Today was a brand new day for Mikan.

"Well, better get ready to start the day." The day was a Saturday but Mikan had a lot of plans prepared for the day. Now that she's in middle school, there were more extra-curricular activities prepared for the students. Mikan never realized how much work and training her superiors, Tsubasa-sempei and Misaki-sempei, had it. Today, Mikan had to start to exercise before dawn. Then she still had violin and piano lessons that morning (Alice Academy wants its student to be the elites in the society—cultured and erudite in all aspects!). She also has tea in the afternoon with Narumi-sensei mixed with lessons of good manners and customs (yes, she still meets her "father" in some of her classes). The Academy figured that Narumi is the best teacher for the job when it comes to the matters of etiquette and proper decorum. She, Mikan, then takes a break from 5 to 6 and then has her dinner at around 6 to 6:30 in the evening. On some occasions, she is already free after that hour. But usually, she watches a classic movie or an intellectual play with her classmates. And then only after that do they retire to their own rooms in the dormitory, preparing for another hectic day the next morning. Mikan was already exhausted just thinking about the things she needed to get done today.

_I wonder what the school makes Natsume do._ Mikan thought quietly to herself. She didn't want to think about it but she just can't help herself. Natsume was still referred to as a "genius" in their school. He had special classes conducted at different hours than everybody else's. No one really knows what the school teaches the 'special abilities' like him. They are all pretty much detached from the other students and definitely are given a different treatment than others even before high school. Mikan would sometimes wonder if Natsume ever found his lessons hard or found it all easy just like when they were in grade school. Natsume was the smartest one in their class back then, no doubt about it. But now, Mikan wonders if Natsume has classmates smarter than him. Or, maybe he doesn't have classes anymore; just…_special training_. Mikan felt moisture on the corners of her eyes but she doesn't know why. When she thinks about Natsume, all she feels is just sorrow…hurt…and rejection. Somehow, she shares Natsume's feeling of loneliness but all in a different way. She feels…so unloved and so hated when she thinks about Natsume. That's why she can't help sometimes wishing she'll just forget about everything. But then, remembering what Kokoroyomi told her, she forgets about all her wishful thinking and tries to see her memories with Natsume with a small smile on her face although with a twinge in her heart.

"Oi. What are you doing?" A familiar voice suddenly spoke at Mikan's side.

Mikan stopped abruptly. She'd know that voice anywhere. It was…the boy that fills her mind all day long through all these years. It was the boy she'd never seen for so long but she aches to hold on to. It was the boy she was just thinking of…

Slowly, Mikan turned to her side.

But there was no one. Just a tree… And then she saw something. There was a young man sitting at the foot of the tree, leaning on to its trunk and delighting in its shade.

"Nat—"

"You're blocking my sun." The man looked up and Mikan felt a sudden pang in her heart. She felt it almost break into a million pieces. It was not Natsume.

Mikan almost felt like crying. She felt a little embarrassed at the excitement she felt at the thought of meeting Natsume once again. And she almost wanted to break down at her longing for Natsume. Oh, God knows how much she wants to see Natsume at this very moment! She wants to embrace him again and sit with him again by their favorite tree. She wants to share her thoughts with him as he pretends not to listen and read his manga all day. She wants to share another festival with him. She wants to…she…she just wants to see his eyes see her again. She aches to see him…just to see him without him just looking straight through her, as if she wasn't there. Mikan felt a lump form in her throat and she knew that tears were starting to well up in her eyes.

"I said, you—" The man was cut off when he saw the look on Mikan's face. His expression changed from angry to surprised then to worried. Mikan looked as if she was really about to burst into a huge fit. "Are you…" The man stood up but Mikan ran off shouting 'I'm sorry'. The man was left to wonder.

But Mikan just kept on running. She ran to the safety of her own room. The corridors were filled with students going to and from their classes. But no one noticed Mikan crying as she bumped her way through the crowd. When Mikan got to her room, she locked it at once and then flung herself to her bed. She buried her head in her pillows and cried her eyes out.

How more stupid can she get? It's been what? 5 years ever since? But still, she cries for him when in turn, he doesn't even remember that she exists. She was almost all over the guy when she had only heard his voice. And she even wanted to hit herself for thinking that his distinct voice could be anything like that guy! Why does she get mad at herself for not recognizing that it wasn't him? It's not her responsibility to know his exact voice, hair color and the color of his eyes yet she hates herself if she doesn't remember them. How can Natsume do this to her when Natsume…Natsume doesn't even want to see her.

A knock on the door made Mikan stop herself from spending another hour depressing about Natsume.

"Mikan!" Hotaru was knocking furiously at her door. "Your violin lessons are about to start in an hour! Are you awake yet!" Hotaru tried to shout over the door that separated them. If Hotaru even decides to topple the door down, she will not be happy to see Mikan red-eyed and all again for Natsume. Hotaru had been trying hard to help Mikan from ruining her life over Natsume—like Natsume did. Hotaru knows Natsume had been worse double over since Mikan had left his life. But with the state he was in now, she has no plans of letting her best friend take upon such a burden. And besides, unlike Mikan, Hotaru understands the complication of Natsume being special to the Academy. Hotaru understands that Natsume was really thinking of Mikan and she has tried to hint that to Mikan. But if Natsume doesn't want to let Mikan know that, then Hotaru wouldn't be the first one to tell. So she decides to let fate take its way. But she didn't want Mikan to be moping about him either. So everyday, she, in some way, makes sure that her dear friend is living her life the way that she deserves to. "Hurry up, Sakura! Or I'll blow this door up to pieces!"

Mikan panicked at the thought of Hotaru seeing her in such a state. She didn't want Hotaru to worry anymore. She had worried enough for her for even thinking of waking her up. She knew Hotaru doesn't get much sleep anymore because of the demands she takes upon because of her Alice ability. And it was already enough for Hotaru to remember her. "YEAH! I'm awake! I'm just dressing up!"

Hotaru was quiet for a moment. Mikan was afraid Hotaru figured out she was crying because of her voice. But then, Hotaru suddenly replied, "Okay. Hurry up! I'm going to get some breakfast. I'll see you in violin class."

"Yeah okay!" Mikan replied, straining hard to keep her voice from cracking.

Hotaru was again pretty silent and she seemed to stand unmoving outside Mikan's door.

Mikan was afraid Hotaru would find out she was crying again. Mikan crossed her fingers and prayed Hotaru wouldn't ask if she can come in. And then Mikan heard a muffled 'okay' and then footsteps walking away from her door.

She breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

Now, she really needs to stop thinking about Natsume for a while. There's still a long day ahead of her and she better focus. Mikan stood up to get a shower. "Natsume…" Mikan prepared her uniform on the bed. "…maybe I should really stop thinking about you.."

* * *

Hotaru stood quietly beside Mikan's door. She really didn't leave. And she definitely didn't believe that Mikan was just okay. She had cried again. Hotaru looked down sadly.

"Natsume…if you only knew how Mikan really feels about you."

* * *

A/n: Sorry for the long delayed update and such a lame chappie. But it's strting to come along. This only opens up to the real story. Thanks for your patience.


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